Bereavement and grief support

What is bereavement support?

Grief is the natural response to losing someone. It is not an illness and it does not follow a schedule. Bereavement support gives you people to talk to who understand loss, clear information about what grief can feel like, and a way to find more help if you need it.

Medicare requires every hospice to have an organized bereavement program, led by someone trained in grief and loss, and to offer it to the family. The hospice team asks about the family's needs early, writes them into the plan of care, and keeps offering support after the death. There is no separate charge to the family for the hospice's bereavement program.

Who is grief support for?

Support is for the people who were close to the person, whether or not they are related and whether or not they were the main caregiver.

• Spouses and partners
• Adult children, siblings and parents
• Children and teenagers in the family, with support suited to their age
• Close friends and chosen family
• Family caregivers, who often feel exhaustion and relief mixed with sadness
• Family who live far away and could not be present

What is anticipatory grief?

Anticipatory grief is grief that starts before a death. You may grieve each loss along the way: the person's strength, their memory, the conversations you used to have, the future you expected. It is common with dementia and other long illnesses, and it is not a sign that you have given up.

It can show up as sadness, anger, guilt, trouble sleeping, or a wish for it to be over followed by shame for thinking so. These feelings are normal. Tell the hospice social worker or chaplain what you are feeling. Support for the family is part of hospice from the first day, not only after the death. See what hospice provides.

What Beta offers

Beta Hospice offers grief support to the family for 13 months after a death. Here is how the program works.

• Who to contact: Jackie Melkonyan, our contact for bereavement questions, at (909) 347-7000
• How long we stay in touch: for 13 months after the death
• Phone calls and check-ins: an early condolence contact after the death, then the frequency and method you prefer, offered through the 13-month support period
• Letters and written materials: an introductory bereavement letter and practical information about grief, coping and self-care, supporting children, community resources and how to reach the team, offered according to your needs and language
• Individual support: our bereavement page describes counseling support and connections to community resources. Contact the bereavement team to confirm whether individual visits are available, who provides them and where
• Support groups: contact the bereavement team through (909) 347-7000 to ask about current grief groups and community resources, and confirm the date, location, format and eligibility before attending
• Memorial events: we offer families a way to remember their loved one that respects their cultural and spiritual preferences. Event dates are published only when scheduled
• Support for children and teens: we ask about the child's age, needs and the caregiver's preferences, provide age-appropriate grief resources and help find qualified child bereavement support when needed
• Languages: English, Spanish, Russian, Armenian and other languages are spoken across Beta. Ask the bereavement team which languages are available for the support you need

How grief support usually works

This is the general pattern under Medicare's hospice rules. Your own plan is based on what you want.

1. Step 1

   During hospice care

   The social worker or chaplain asks how family members are coping and who may need extra support. This is written into the plan of care.

2. Step 2

   At the time of death

   A nurse is available by phone at any hour and can visit when needed. The team helps with the first practical steps and stays as long as is helpful.

3. Step 3

   In the weeks after

   Someone from the hospice contacts the family to ask how you are doing and what kind of support, if any, you would like.

4. Step 4

   Through the following year

   Contact continues at a pace you choose. You can say no to contact and change your mind later. Hard dates such as birthdays, holidays and the anniversary are common times to reach out.

5. Step 5

   Referral when more is needed

   If grief is more than the hospice program can support, the team helps you find a counselor, doctor or community program.

What grief can look like

Grief affects the body and mind as well as feelings. All of these are common, especially in the first months.

• Waves of sadness that come without warning
• Trouble sleeping, eating or concentrating
• Anger, guilt or relief, sometimes all in one day
• Feeling numb, or feeling nothing when you expected to
• Sensing the person's presence, or forgetting for a moment that they have died
• Tiredness, aches or getting sick more easily

Community resources

You do not have to be a hospice family to use these. They are general resources, not Beta programs.

• 211. Call 211 from any phone in San Bernardino, Riverside, Los Angeles or Orange County to ask about local grief support groups, counseling, and help with food, housing or bills after a loss.
• Your doctor. Tell your own doctor about the loss. Grief can affect sleep, blood pressure and existing health conditions, and your doctor can refer you to counseling.
• Your health plan. Medicare Part B, Medi-Cal and most private plans cover outpatient mental health care. The member services number on your card can tell you how to find a counselor.
• Faith and community groups. Many congregations, senior centers and community centers host grief groups that are open to anyone.
• Workplace and school. Employee assistance programs often include a few counseling sessions. School counselors can support grieving children and teens.

Related information

If your family is still deciding about hospice, read is it time for hospice and hospice care. Grief support is part of the hospice benefit. For how hospice is covered, see paying for care. To ask about grief support, contact us.

Common questions