The first holidays after a death: grief help in the Inland Empire

Why are the first holidays after a death so hard?

The first holidays are hard because they are built around being together, so the empty chair shows most on those days. Songs, food, decorations and old routines can bring grief back in a rush, even on a day you expected to be fine. For many people, the days before a holiday are harder than the day itself.

This is common, and it does not mean you are grieving the wrong way. Many people find the hardest feelings soften over the first year, with waves around holidays and anniversaries.

Should we still celebrate the holidays this year?

Celebrate only as much as you want to. It is fine to do less this year, or something different. Some families keep every tradition because it feels close to the person. Others skip the big meal, travel, or spend the day quietly. Neither choice is disloyal. Talk about it as a family before the day, and agree that anyone can step out for a while.

How can we plan for the first holiday without them?

Make a simple plan a week or two ahead. It takes some of the dread out of the day.

• Decide which traditions to keep, change or skip this year. You can bring them back next year.
• Choose one small way to remember the person, such as a candle, a photo at the table or their favorite dish.
• Say yes to help with cooking, shopping and decorating, and say no to events you are not ready for.
• Have a way out: drive your own car, or agree on a quiet room you can go to.
• Plan something for the hours that will be hardest, such as the evening after guests leave.
• Keep eating, sleeping and moving, even a little. Go easy on alcohol.

What if the death was only weeks ago?

If the death was recent, getting through the day is enough, and nobody should expect more of you. Many people feel numb or in a fog early on. Let someone else host, keep the day short and simple, and lean on the people who knew the person. If the funeral or memorial is close to a holiday, it is fine to let the holiday be small.

If your family is still caring for someone on hospice during the holidays, you may already be grieving. Read anticipatory grief.

What do we tell the children?

Tell children in simple, true words what the holiday will look like this year. Tell them it is fine to feel sad, happy or both. Let them help choose a way to remember the person, such as making an ornament, choosing a photo or cooking a favorite food. Keep bedtimes and routines as steady as you can, and let them see that adults are sad too. Read how to help a child grieve.

How can we remember the person on each holiday?

These are ideas, not rules. Faith and family customs come first. A chaplain or your own faith leader can help with prayers and rituals.

Where can we find a grief group near us for the holidays?

Call one of the groups in the table below, or start with our list of grief support groups in the Inland Empire, which covers ongoing groups in San Bernardino and Riverside counties. We checked each group below on its own page on November 13, 2026. Groups often skip or move meetings near holidays, so call before you go.

Grief help in San Bernardino and Riverside counties this season

Details come from each organization's own page as of November 13, 2026. Beta does not run or endorse these groups and receives nothing for listing them.

What support does Beta offer families after a death?

Beta Hospice offers grief support to the family for 13 months after a death, so the first holidays fall within that time. If your family member was on hospice with us, contact us and ask for the bereavement team. You can ask for a call before a hard date, or ask about current grief groups and other community resources. You choose how much contact you want. See bereavement support for how the program works.

Common questions about the first holidays

What should you read next?

Grief support groups in the Inland Empire, bereavement support, how to help a child grieve, anticipatory grief and the practical steps after a death in California.