Support for family before and after a death
How do you help a child grieve when someone is on hospice?
Use simple, true words, such as died rather than went to sleep. Let the child ask questions and see that adults are sad too. Keep routines steady, and tell the school what has happened. Tell the hospice social worker about children in the family early, so support can be planned. At Beta Hospice in San Bernardino, grief support for children and teenagers is part of the family's bereavement plan, suited to the child's age.
Reviewed by Jack Demirchyan, Chief Operating Officer, October 26, 2026
On this page (5 sections)
Why tell children the truth?
Children notice when something is wrong. If no one explains, they fill the gap themselves, often with something worse than the truth, or with the idea that they caused it. The National Institute on Aging reminds grieving parents that their children are grieving too, and that open, honest communication matters. Plain words suited to the child's age give them something solid: Grandpa is very sick, the medicine cannot make him better, and the nurses are helping him be comfortable.
Avoid phrases that confuse: went to sleep, passed away, lost. A young child may become afraid of sleep, or expect the person to be found.
What helps, before and after the death
| Before the death | After the death |
|---|---|
| Explain what is happening in simple, true words, and answer questions as they come | Say that the person has died, and that it is not the child's fault |
| Let the child visit, draw a picture, or help with small tasks, if they want to | Let the child decide about seeing the person, the funeral and the memorial; prepare them for what they will see |
| Keep school, meals and bedtime steady | Keep routines steady, and expect grief to come in waves and through play |
| Tell the school and the hospice social worker what is happening | Tell the school what has happened; school counselors can support grieving children and teens |
| Show that adults are sad too, and that it is safe to cry | Keep a keepsake: a piece of clothing, a watch, a favorite book or a picture, as the NIA suggests |
Teenagers may grieve away from the family, with friends or online, and may seem unaffected. Keep the door open without forcing conversation.
What does the hospice do for children and teens?
Support for children and teenagers in the family is part of the bereavement plan of care that Medicare requires every hospice to write (42 CFR 418.64).
- We ask about the child's age, needs and the caregiver's preferences
- We provide age-appropriate grief resources, in the family's language where we can
- We help find qualified child bereavement support when needed; our bereavement contact can point you to current community programs
- Grief support for the family continues for 13 months after a death, at a pace you choose
Common questions
Should a child go to the funeral?
Let the child decide, once you have explained what will happen there. Many children do better being included than being sent away. If the child chooses not to go, that is fine too.
Should a child see the person in the last days?
If the child wants to, and you prepare them for what they will see: sleeping most of the time, breathing that sounds different, a hand that is cool. Keep the visit short, and let them leave when they want. Read signs that death is near.
Who on the hospice team helps with children?
Tell the social worker early. The social worker and our bereavement contact, Jackie Melkonyan, at (877) 258-7129, can plan age-appropriate support and point you to current children's programs in the community.
Read more
Bereavement and grief support, anticipatory grief and grief support groups in the Inland Empire, which notes a children's program to ask about.
About this page
- Written by
- Beta Hospice care team
- Reviewed by
- Jack Demirchyan, Chief Operating Officer
- Last reviewed
- October 26, 2026
- Next review
- April 26, 2027
How we write and review this site
Sources
- 42 CFR 418.64: Core services, including bereavement counseling (opens in a new tab)
- National Institute on Aging: Coping with grief and loss (opens in a new tab)
- SAMHSA: 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (opens in a new tab)
These sources support the general information on this page. For one person鈥檚 care and coverage, talk with the hospice team.
You do not have to decide alone.
Call (877) 258-7129 any time, or leave your number and someone from Beta's hospice team will call you. No decision is needed to call. Most families start with a question.
Only a hospice doctor, together with the person鈥檚 own doctor, can confirm hospice eligibility. A website cannot.
- A nurse answers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
- You can stop hospice at any time
- You have the right to choose your hospice